Promiscuous Girl

 “Promiscuous,” is a word that has been used to shame women for being sexually active for decades, among other derogatory terms and slurs. 

If a man has a high ‘body count (number of sexual partners)’ he is congratulated, but women are shamed for the same reason. A man who is not a virgin is considered experienced but a woman is considered impure, damaged, undesirable. Society idealizes the idea of a woman's sexual autonomy being out of her control and being in a man’s control. 

Where did this double standard come from in the first place? Prior to the 1960s, birth control was not a thing. This means that a woman who was sexually active had a high likelihood of coming out pregnant, so the social norms were constructed in such a way so that a woman would only have children after she was married; this means the norms constructed her to only have sex after she was married. 

Then, came the feminist movement of the 1960s. Birth control hit the markets and this gave women a new form of independence: sexual independence. Pregnancy is a BIG change, and can oftentimes be a hindrance to specific life goals due to the obligations and body changes that come with it. A woman who could avoid an unwanted pregnancy while satisfying sexual needs was a woman who felt empowered. 

But the men that benefitted from controlling women’s sexual autonomy felt thrown out of power. A sexually empowered woman is harder to catch, harder to deceive, harder to conform to toxic masculinity rules. And thus, upholding the laws of patriarchy, sexually active women were shamed for doing the exact same thing that men had been doing for centuries.

The irony in this is that women are praised for virginity because it means they are selective in whom they allow to have sex with them. But a sexually active woman is JUST AS selective. Think about it. If all women now have the choice to be with any man of their choosing, they are more likely to choose the ones that they feel the most comfortable with. It’s simple statistics! The larger the population, the smaller the sample size is by comparison. 

The most important part about being a sexually active woman is to be SAFE. Use protection, be comfortable and communicative with your partner, and enjoy yourself! This is your life, and no one can shame you for living it the way you want to. Whether that means having no sexual partners or many, YOUR BODY YOUR CHOICE!